Good to be Back

So sorry I've been gone for a while. I assure you it was through no fault of my own. I was driving to work early in the morning on saturday. It was still dark outside. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the full moon hovering low in the sky. "How beautiful a gift this is this morning," I thought to myself.

I then looked over to realize that it wasn't the moon at all. It was a glowing hotel sign. "What a fool I am," I thought, "to mistake a hotel sign for the moon." Then I thought, "This is what moths must feel like all the time. A constant victim of human commercial trickery."

Then I saw my face in the rear view mirror and realized that some time over the course of the drive, I had actually BECOME a moth man! My eyes were huge, and my wings were sputtering wildly, and throwing that weird dust everywhere. Then I realized I wasn't pulling up to work at all. Somehow, I was pulling up to my house. I went inside to find my family, but they were gone, and so was all our stuff as if we'd never lived there at all. It was at that point, I realized I'd become one of those mothmen like in that movie, "The Pelican Brief". Or maybe it was some other movie, I can't remember.

So there I was, a mothman dashing through reality free of the burdens of space and time. What the hell was I going to do without some sort of construct to my universe? I had to do something to help our world out.

So I dashed about time. I killed baby Hitler. I told Jesus to watch his back around Judas. I distracted Lee Harvey Oswald away from Dallas promising a weekend at Disneyland. I told Democrats in Florida to vote like hell in the 2000 election. I watched "The Pelican Brief" (I just like that movie). I went back and found where I put that other glove. And last but not least, I played skiffle with The Quarrymen.

Some time later I awoke to find my life back. And you know, all that work was for nothing! It turns out there were TWO babies named Adolph Hitler. Who else would give their kid the name of a tyrant? Jesus still didn't listen. There must have been someone else on the grassy noel (is that how you spell noel? I don't know, because other than the Kennedy thing, no one ever uses that word) in Dallas. Democrats in Florida must be really lazy, or more likely, W. and Jeb really did steal the 2000 election. "The Pelican Brief" wasn't as good as I remembered. Now I can't find the OTHER glove. And John Lennon and Paul McCartney must've realized that I stink, because I wasn't mentioned in any of their biographies. In fact, they even blurred my face out of the pictures in The Beatles Anthology.

So to make a long story short, I'm back after a few weeks and not much has changed. I go to work. I come home. I hang with my family and watch T.V. My wife rented some movie with Denzel Washington and Julia Roberts, but for the life of me, I can't remember the title.

cheers,

Sid