A Ten Commandments for the Modern Era

1. I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt not have other gods before me. But feel free to watch all the television you want.
2. Thou shalt not make for thyself a false American idol (like Clay Aiken).
3. Thou shalt not take my name in vain unless having trouble fixing the lawn mower.
4. Thou shalt remember the sabbath and keep it holy by not missing the Green Bay Packers game.
5. Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother by keeping the house quiet during the Packers game.
6. Thou shalt not kill unless it's someone in another country that practices another religion.
7. Thou shalt not steal unless it's from some large faceless corporation that probably has that sort of thing covered in their overhead.
8. Thou shalt not lie unless it's not going to directly hurt anybody.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's life partner.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. Just go out and buy a slightly nicer version of what they have.