Things I've Realized Since Becoming A Father #7

As my 3 year old bites into a crisp corn on the cob, if I listen closely to the sound, I can hear the universe turning.

A Ten Commandments for the Modern Era

1. I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt not have other gods before me. But feel free to watch all the television you want.
2. Thou shalt not make for thyself a false American idol (like Clay Aiken).
3. Thou shalt not take my name in vain unless having trouble fixing the lawn mower.
4. Thou shalt remember the sabbath and keep it holy by not missing the Green Bay Packers game.
5. Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother by keeping the house quiet during the Packers game.
6. Thou shalt not kill unless it's someone in another country that practices another religion.
7. Thou shalt not steal unless it's from some large faceless corporation that probably has that sort of thing covered in their overhead.
8. Thou shalt not lie unless it's not going to directly hurt anybody.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's life partner.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. Just go out and buy a slightly nicer version of what they have.

Things I've Realized Since Becoming A Father #6

Sometimes I can be a more amazing person than I ever thought I could be.

Conversely, sometimes I can be a bigger asshole than I ever thought I could be.

You Will Be Forgotten

We carve our names in trees, we put our hands in wet concrete, we strive for fame and fortune, all because we have a primal desire to be remembered. Sadly, these efforts are in vain. Trees grow, concrete cracks to rubble, and fame only lasts for fifteen minutes.

Yes. You will be forgotten.

How many names really last throughout history? Shakespeare, Caesar, Napoleon. And how long will it be before these names, too fade away? Deal with it friends. Your existence is brief, and after you're gone, the world's memory of you will quickly follow.

So how do we live on?

By our deeds and our deeds alone. Good deeds echo eternally, but bad deeds are snuffed. There's a good chance that you couldn't tell me your great great grandfather's name, what he did, or where he came from. But the choices he made have had an insurmountable effect on who you are and what you value. You will carry his good deeds forth because you can see how they are in harmony with the universe. Meanwhile, you will spend a lifetime trying to snuff out all of the bad pieces of yourself that you got handed. You will never get them all, but the one's you overlook, or are too weak to overcome will eventually be destroyed for you by others; chances are by your own descendants. These are the pieces of you that will disappear.

Evil takes many forms, but in the end always loses because its effects are not cohesive with the function of the universe. Put forth hate into the world, and your footprints will wash away quickly.

Put forth Love, and your thumbprint will remain here eternally. Put forth Love and have your deeds carried out by your children and those whose lives you have touched.

PUT FORTH LOVE, AND LIVE FOREVER.

Cubs For Christmas

A storm rolls in over the ballpark

But only the catcher has it in view above center field

The queen of the Del Vista Rona steals second

But there's no play at the bag

She leaves oil behind
with each planting of her foot in the clay

The outfield backs up for Jesus on deck

But he bunts down the first base line to sacrifice himself for the queen to third

The ball rolls foul, but the cheers of a visiting crowd breathe heavy to push it back to the fair side of the line

The umpire doesn't notice, as he stares at the coming storm

It's so hot

Black clouds roll in

Will God peer through that tiny patch of blue so quickly closing?

Perhaps not. He must be crying, for it's raining in the bleacher seats.

A tired old commentator swings his microphone from the press box shouting "Holy sacred cow!"

He's clearly lost his mind, but no one can help.
It's illegal to commit Harry Carey

I've seen it all from behind the dugout.

God's tears make muck of the clay

The left fielder builds an ark from Louisville sluggers, complete with dinosaurs bound for Petersburg, Kentucky

There's no room for two by two

When it comes to giant reptiles, there can be only one of each, so they will fade at the seventh inning stretch

Throw a baseball into the stands, if it returns, there is no land-- or we're just playing at Wrigley

Somehow I made it to bat in the bottom of the ninth, but the game ends when a wild pitch allows the queen of the Del Vista Rona to steal home and break the tie

Somewhere, Jimmy Leyland is crying again

It's getting so hot, and he's out of smokes

They say we won, but I don't feel it

It's getting hotter and I never even swung the bat

The mighty Casey may sweat it out, but I won't.

It Ain't Easy

Last night I played bridge with Kermit the frog

I always let him win because it's not easy being green

Poor little fella never knew what hit him

Global warming, steals one of his legs

The breeze of a local chicken shack exhales its odor into a hot room

I've got a two of hearts, but it's no matter anymore

Back to Basics

Yesterday, the power went out around 2, and stayed out for several hours. What was this family of 3 to do without our television? No lights, no phone (digital), no internet. All of the comforts of the modern world gone with one stroke of lightning.
I knew we had to get back to basics. So what did we do? We watched DVD's on our battery powered portable player, and when the battery died, we beat the pulp out of each other until only one of us was left conscious.